BJP: Going, Going, Ghandia ...

Ghandia Johnson, a legal secretary for Denver, with a constant need to be the center of attention, became the fourth person voted out of Survivor:Thailand. Ghandia's eviction proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that city-bred divas and rough island living just don't mix. If this had been "Survivor:Las Vegas," she might have had a chance. But while she was on Koh Tarutao, she gave us many moments perfect for the daytime talk show circuit.

PRE-SHOW ODDS

Ghandia
80-1

• Type: Legally Blonde
• Fitness: A self-described 'Big Woman™', she has strength, stamina, and a voracious appetite
• Style: Oprah™ Lite
• X-Factor: She'll pull her own weight, all of it, and she'll have to because no one else in the tribe is strong enough to carry her
• Projected Status: Advances to Loser's Lodge
• Final Status: Voted out #4

POST-SHOW PROBSTOVICH

I knew it was a touchy subject, but since you only live once, and since my time as Jeff Probst only came in short, 15-minute bursts, I had just a little time to get to the heart of Ghandia's central problem on the show: "Grindgate."

I ran down to the Tribal Council dock, just as Ghandia started loading her ample arse into the boat. "Hey, Ghandi, I just have a couple questions. I know you have the time."

"OK, Jeff."

"So, tell me what really happened between you and Ted?"

"You want the truth?"

"I can handle the truth."

"Well," she started, "He was talking in his sleep."

"No way," I said. "Well, what did he say?"

She started talking in a deep baritone voice, which I took to be a poor impression of Ted: "Ghandia, get me some, get me some ..." She paused, seemingly for effect.

"Go on," I said, "Get me some, what?"

"Get me some ... steak and mashed pototoes, and raspberry iced tea!" She started to cry. "And he seemed to become very, uh, sexual when he said it."

"You mean, he was grindin' on you, but dreaming about food?" I asked.

She could barely hold back, "Yes! Yes! Yes! He was huggin' on all of this pretty hunk of woman, and all he could think of was food." She wiped her eyes. "You don't do Ghandia like that! I mean, look at me -- coffee, steak, tea, or me? And that fool chose steak!"

"So you made up this whole story, because he thought about getting with some food instead of you?"

"I think the only part that I left out about the story was that he wanted some pizza too." She shrugged sheepishly.

As I stood there looking at Ghandia, I felt really sad for Ted. Imagine having a food jones that bad, and then waking up next to her. That would be enough to kill an appetite for days. I knew at that moment that the Chuay Gahn tribe had made the right decision to oust her. A woman scorned, for food, would be a big problem.

"You know what time it is?"

"Yes Jeff, but I'd love it if you give it to me again, and with a nice hug."

"No hugs, sorry. One 'Grindgate' controversy is enough, but I'll gladly kick you out of here again -- Ghandia, it's time for you to go."

My fifteen Probstovich minutes were over, and I was on my way back home until next week. Who will be voted out next, just so I can rag on them before they leave for good?

UP NEXT: The Five Faces of Loser's Lodge

Copyright © 2002 Lawrence Green