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« Tuesday « December 17, 2002
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giftworx
(NegroPlease blog)
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I'm having real trouble with Christmas this year ... all this money money everywhere and a homeless man sat in front of the mini-mart sitting on the concrete eating cheetos and drinking a Pepsi in a tattered green coat and no shoes on. No shoes on. I sat in my car staring at the scene. I watched as people ignored him, turned their noses up at him, refused to assist him in any way.
Man, you never know someone's deal. Just because they're homeless doesn't mean they need or want your help.
Once, a couple of years ago, I got up on an unseasonably cold Saturday morning during the Holiday season, and went to the Wells Fargo ATM, in downtown Palo Alto, to pull out some cash for errands I had to run. There was this homeless woman, with a big, overstuffed shopping cart, wrapped over with dark plastic bags. She was wearing a dirty vinyl poncho for her coat, and she had no shoes -- which is where my story intersects with Jason's on NegroPlease. She was situated right next to the walkway that led up to the ATM, and to each person that passed on their way to the money machine, she'd say, "Can I have some money, I want something to eat." She never made eye contact, just said the same words as folks passed her. Her words flowed in a steady, monotone rhythm.
Can I have some moneyI want something to eat.
Everyone, including me, tried to ignore her.
I got $60 out of the ATM and pocketed it, but when I went back past her, for some reason she was looking up, and we made eye contact. This time, she was asking me directly, "Can I have some money? I want something to eat." The thing that was most troubling to me was she looked a little like my mother. A strange bond.
I asked her, "What do you want to eat?"
"Sandwich, soup, something like that."
I said, "OK. We'll see about that." And I left, fully intending at that moment to get something for her. I went on my errands -- coffee, post office, Lotto, a little shopping for stuff like toothpaste and laundry detergent, picking up dry cleaning. I also ran into a few friends along the way and had the necessary "stop-and-chat." Long story short, I started making my way back home. And then I remembered the homeless lady, and my unspoken promise. My last errand.
I went to this deli along the way, ordered a big hot cup of split-pea soup (the soup-of-the-day), a large roast-beef sandwich, a small salad, and a couple of canned iced teas. It was a substantial meal, I thought.
I took all of this back to the ATM at the bank, and the lady was still there, still making her same monotone plea, and I said, "Excuse me, Ma'am ... I just went to the deli and got you some food, a sandwich, soup, salad, some soft drinks. All fresh and all for you."
And she looked up at me with the same eyes that looked like my mother's, only they seemed less so at that moment, and in the most annoyed tone I've ever heard said, "I DON'T WANT THAT!"
I didn't really know what to say. Maybe it was my fault for thinking that I could give food to someone asking to eat. I don't really know what was going on there. But I walked away a little stunned. It wasn't that big a deal but it taught me a lesson. Oh, and I had the lunch myself. It was substantial.
But because of that incident, I don't really deal with the homeless on the street anymore. Each of them has their own story, and their own monster set of problems, but then, don't we all? The fact that I was concerned about this person, and then went out of my way to address a request made of me, only to get completely rejected, told me that I don't have enough time in the day to worry about everyone's sad story. I'll donate to charities, and hope that most of the people who really need help will get if from those venues. Sometimes the world hardens your heart, and I hate that.
In the meantime, I have family, and friends, and associates, and at least those folks who'll appreciate when I give them a gift ... or at least act like that way. And just to have those relationships, I am blessed! Maybe the problem with giving gifts is that the giver wants to feel appreciated for giving. I don't know, but that part feels as good as getting gifts, in my opinion.
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